https://slama.dev/comeback/
I look good in that photo.
It's not about the photo.
It's about what you say in it.
So who would have expected the lady from the women's magazine to ask such tricky questions?
Like what's your favorite book?
Well, I expected her to ask what my favorite color is.
I'd know that.
But "Doggy and Kitty."
Nothing better came to mind.
And that Božena Němcová wrote it?
Well, now I also know it was Karel Čapek.
Josef.
Tomáš.
You are an absolute cultural barbarian.
Well, that's an exaggeration.
The last thing I saw in the theater was The Bagpiper of Strakonice.
That's a typo, I didn't say that.
In parentheses, which he indeed said.
Editor's note.
They write that you're a candidate for that parade.
Maybe I shouldn't give interviews, you see.
For now it'd be enough if you occasionally went to the theater.
Or read something more serious than a detective novel.
Like The Trial.
Alright then.
And who wrote it?
Tomáš, this can't go on like this.
You're embarrassing both of us.
How both of us?
Everyone knows I'm your manager.
Unlike you, I move in cultural circles.
Well, I don't exactly associate with nothing but idiots either.
Says the man whose brother thinks the most famous book in the world is the Bible.
Today I'm going to a Thuringian surrealist exhibition opening with my three friends, and they're critics.
Do you understand?
If they've read that you don't know who wrote Doggy and Kitty, they'll make fun of me all evening.
Educated women don't read Blonde magazine.
Obviously.
Hey.
Hey, our Czech teacher is sending you Doggy and Kitty, do you know why?
Wonderful.
What's wrong with her?
Ozzák ticked her off.
Josef.
Where are you going now?
We have parenting and sex ed this afternoon.
What?
What do you mean what?
Well, nothing.
You got a problem with that?
No, no, no.
Well, I'm off.
And you have to go?
It's mandatory.
Sure.
We all go together.
Wait, all of you?
Like boys and girls together?
No, we have it separately.
Well, at least that.
I'm kidding.
Right.
Hello.
Ivuška, I thought it was the banana.
But the boys were supposed to have the banana, what would you be doing with a banana?
Well, I'm not going to listen to this.
Oh, I must have written it down wrong.
So what were we supposed to have?
A doll, I'll be changing its diaper.
But I already told Lexa that he should have the doll.
Man, I'd never have believed this is a school aid.
Her name is Lída.
Where'd you get it?
Uncle Horvát got it for us.
Lexa, the doll is mine.
You have the banana.
Damn.
You're really fun to be around.
Hang on, this is interesting.
There's a great recipe here.
Hey.
What've you got?
Pajerová gave this to me for you.
She says you should read it.
I have The Trial.
Also a cookbook?
What cookbook?
Doggy and Kitty is not a cookbook.
There's an awesome recipe for cake in here.
But it's a fairy tale for children.
By Čapek.
Bro.
Fairy tales have princesses and dragons.
Cookbooks have recipes.
And this is a recipe.
Simona, please, give it to me.
I just feel like the kitty made a mistake here.
It says here, when you put only good things together, something bad comes out of it, which is nonsense.
For God's sake, Ozzák, when you mix rum, beer, Fernet, and absinthe, you think it'll be good?
Wait.
You know the recipe for a Braník Bomb?
I was already afraid someone would leak it.
We'll make a million off that one day.
One Bomb, please.
Bye.
Hey.
I forgot my keys.
What did they have at school?
Boring stuff.
How boring?
Well actually, the PE teacher and the Czech teacher demonstrated interrupted intercourse.
What?
Iva, now you're really exaggerating.
You're such a prude.
I'm just a different generation.
They didn't tell us about these things in school.
They did.
All the time.
I mean the teachers, not the girls from the dorm.
Teachers said it too.
Enough.
Did Saša handle it?
Mostly yes, but then she fainted when she saw the banana.
That's not possible.
She knows what a banana is.
There was a condom on it.
Oh, I was worried you were making me out to be a bad mother again.
Well, gotta run.
Poor Saša.
Someone should talk to her about these things.
Don't look at me.
You know I'm not good at these things.
And you think I am?
Don't even forget it.
If it weren't for me, Ivuška would know absolutely nothing about these things to this day.
Don't even remind me.
I had to tell her everything myself.
The poor thing had a head full of questions and nobody told her anything.
She was seven and she only asked you if a bee is the wife of a bumblebee.
And you got that wrong too, by the way.
Don't underestimate me all the same.
Everything ended up on me.
Well, there you go.
What?
If you did it before, with Saša it'll be a piece of cake.
She's smart.
This is out of the question.
You can't do this one thing for me.
Just take her aside and tell her the same thing you told Iva.
You'll be back in fifteen minutes.
But I didn't actually talk to Iva about it, damn it.
But you said you did.
But I handled it by correspondence.
How could you?
By correspondence.
It means by letters.
Oh.
What do you mean by letters?
Well, I sent her letters and in them I explained everything.
I signed them as Auntie Marta.
That was you?
You know about it?
Ivuška was scared some pervert was writing to her.
I didn't want to stress her out.
Dad.
They showed the older kids some movie apparently.
I don't know why not us.
If they showed a movie, it'd be a piece of cake.
Iva, come on.
We just had some old hag with a mustache telling us our bodies are blossoming.
Yeah.
I imagined your body blossoming.
Stop it.
You imagine me?
Lexa.
No wait, because I totally imagine you too.
Out.
Fine, I'll go imagine you somewhere else.
No, no, not that either.
Great, so I'll stay here.
I can imagine you and look at you at the same time.
Iva, what if they show us the movie next time?
That's pretty likely.
I won't be there.
You're a case too.
One worse than the other.
And you stop it right now.
Stop what?
What will the movie be about?
Guess.
I'm not going.
They'll definitely show bananas again.
You're the first person in the world who wants to skip sex ed.
Saša?
If you kill Lexa, I'll forge you a sick note.
Dad.
What?
What is that?
Do you want to read it in bed too?
No, no, no, no.
It just started getting interesting.
Did the father already throw the apple at him?
What?
Good night.
Marcelka?
Come in, Tomáš.
Excuse me?
Thank you.
Did something happen?
I can no longer be your manager.
But why?
Because you're an oaf.
Oh come on, Marcelka.
An oaf.
Everyone knows it.
This is what Mirka sends us.
This one.
Dárka.
And here. Věrka.
They laughed at me all evening.
Come now, Marcelka, go home and get some sleep and tomorrow we can talk about it.
Talk?
That's exactly what's impossible with you, you...
Bogeyman.
What would you even want to talk about?
You don't go to exhibitions, you fall asleep at the theater.
And the only thing you've ever read was written by Dick Francis.
I'll have you know I've been reading The Metamorphosis all day today.
You're on page six.
Hero.
I'm leaving.
Goodbye.
Marcelka.
Darn.
Ozzák, watch out, Marcelka is there.
Damn, all my cake stuff is in there.
But it's way too early.
What, I'm following the recipe exactly.
Kitty has it in there.
Is this about Marcelka?
Ozzák ticked her off.
Hey.
What a night.
What happened?
I felt like I was growing wing covers.
Is there some diet going on, or what?
There was nothing else in the fridge.
Ozzák is cooking something?
Jesus, I forgot to forbid him.
Is he up yet?
He's gone.
And the electric roaster is missing.
Damn Doggy and Kitty.
What is it?
Nothing.
Did you also read the interview?
Yeah, they put it on the bulletin board at school.
I really didn't say that about the bagpiper.
Says the man who told me that Grandma had a sultan and a tiger.
Right?
I eventually knew the other one was also a dog.
I just mixed up the names.
Hey.
I'll grab my bag.
Uh, hi, Saša.
Need something?
Mom said you wanted to talk to me about something.
Yeah, yeah.
No, seriously.
She said you wouldn't want to at first.
But when I tell you that Iva could also find out who Auntie Marta is, you'll want to.
I think I'll want to talk to your mother first.
She said you'd say that too.
Besides, I don't have time.
She said that too.
And what else did she say?
That you'd probably want to run away, so I should lock the door behind me.
But I didn't do that.
Good girl.
Marcelka!
Good morning, Tomáš.
I'm glad to see you.
We open at nine, don't we?
Well, last night...
Forget about it, I lost my temper.
Those hags got me so worked up that I brought it on with Thuringian pastries.
The main ingredient is Thuringian rye.
So you don't think I'm an oaf?
Just because Kafka puts me to sleep?
You are absolutely an oaf, but we need to try to disguise it.
I see.
So first of all.
You'll listen to all of these.
Classics with Humor?
What is it?
A collection of the most important books performed by popular comedians.
The Old Man and the Sea retold by Luděk Sobota?
Plus a bonus of the 20 best fish jokes?
Perfect for you.
This morning I listened to Ivan Mládek's Banjo Band plays Macbeth.
I think you'll find it very entertaining.
And who would have thought Shakespeare had so many songs?
Silly me, I grabbed the wrong Macbeth.
The Swan of Avon didn't write it.
And did you say Swan?
The Swan of Avon.
That's what they call Shakespeare.
But why?
You know, I don't even know.
Probably had a long neck.
But I don't really feel like getting into this one.
I'm not a huge fan of Suchánek and Genzer.
But you have to know The Brothers Karamazov.
Fine.
And after I listen to them?
You'll give Mirka an interview and we'll see how it goes.
Which Mirka?
Vostrá.
Editor at Bruneta magazine.
And you think it'll work?
She's convinced you're an idiot.
You've got nothing to lose.
Again, again, again, again.
If you think it bothers me that much that you imagine me naked, you're wrong.
Naked.
Yeah, now I can do naked too.
Great, that's much better than when you're jumping on a trampoline.
Oh my.
Iva, I won't be able to handle it again tomorrow.
You're like a little kid, don't you know anything about it?
I do, I read about it in the biology textbook.
Well then you know everything, there are even pictures.
But only in cross section.
What, you've never seen one?
No.
I thought you and Lexa bathed together.
We bathe all the time.
So what does Lexa have between his legs?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Nothing from the picture, he just has a little willy.
He definitely has vas deferens.
Maybe the movie won't be so terrible.
I think it'll be even worse than Cutting It Short.
Well, that's possible.
Iva, I'm not going.
I'll get sick, maybe catch a cold.
How, in this heat?
I don't know, I'll think of something.
What now?
Iva, you're naked and on a trampoline.
Ugh, you're a pig.
I'm going to take a shower.
Whoa, a shower?
Don't you dare.
Or what?
Or I'll imagine you instead.
Go right ahead.
Alright, you naked on a trampoline.
Actually it wasn't even that funny.
Iva.
It was more... weird.
What are you reading?
The Gulag Archipelago.
It's so funny.
Yeah, it's done like jokes by Neprakta.
Good afternoon.
How are we doing?
Well, I listened to everything.
Except for Petr Novotný.
Idiot.
Right.
Doesn't matter.
If you heard the Karamazovs and at least two sketches from War and Peace, we have Russian classics covered.
Marcelka, I don't know, I don't feel like it.
Mirka is coming tomorrow morning, there's no turning back.
And what if she realizes I didn't actually read them?
Sometimes it does seem a bit too adapted.
Really, did the Brothers Karamazov fart that often?
If worst comes to worst, say you saw it at the New Stage.
They also do classics there, just more fresh.
And couldn't it be done in writing?
I can't formulate complicated things well in face-to-face conversation.
We know.
Stop it.
I just don't want Ivuška to read something either.
Well, that won't hurt anyone.
I have something for her.
It's called Auntie Marta.
That's something like Old Goriot.
More like Father Weirdo.
Enough.
I just want to remind you that you have another conversation ahead.
With whom?
With no one.
He's stubborn as a mule.
Tell me about it.
But in the end...
He always does it anyway.
He has no other choice.
Mirka refuses written interviews.
But don't worry.
You'll manage.
Forget the jokes and just talk about the essentials.
My thoughts exactly.
And besides, tonight is the Thuringian conceptualism opening.
And if the pastries are as strong as they were at the surrealism event, Mirka will still be weakened in the morning.
So I already put it in.
If you destroy the electric roaster, don't worry, it'll cool through your nose.
And in the morning we'll have a feast.
Don't count on me eating it.
Why not?
I don't eat anything that has mice in it.
No, Lída, why would I put a mouse in there?
We slept together in bed.
Just as friends.
Recipe or no recipe, you don't put a friend in a cake.
So instead of her I put in stuff that I like.
That the kitty didn't have.
How much?
Three bottles of rum and one absinthe.
And you think I'm paying for this?
Probably.
The thing is, Ozzák here also knows Auntie Marta.
Even Ozzák?
You bet.
I guess I should read it too.
Who wrote it?
Father Weirdo.
'Twas evening May, the time of love, the turtledove's soft cooing calls to love.
And watch those bottoms, breathe regularly, Hinka, Vilém, Jarmila, on the box, off the box, and up and down.
Now let's just catch our breath and next time for Czech poetry of the nineteenth century with me, Olga Šípková, see you again.
What are you doing?
I'm rushing to that interview.
You went overboard.
What?
I wanted you to just tell her the basics.
What?
Like, that boys are different down there, how it works.
You had to go straight for the advanced stuff.
What are you talking about?
About Saša.
This morning I found her in the fridge.
For God's sake, what does that have to do with me?
So right away you tell her about those extreme things and then you're surprised the girl wants to try it.
Excuse me, I didn't talk to her about it at all.
And what did you want to try?
Well, we all have our things, but I thought you were more into the classics.
Look, Simona, I don't have time now, let's talk about it later, okay?
Yours is spacious, isn't it?
Poor little Saša had to curl up in ours.
Simona, I don't do it in the fridge.
Then why are you putting ideas in young girls' heads?
What if she gets hooked on it?
I can't afford a fridge that big.
You want our fridge?
If you got me hooked on it, how is that fair to me?
But I didn't talk to her about it at all.
Well, now you'll have to.
Otherwise you're giving up the fridge.
This is insane.
This is like something by Kafka.
Good lord.
Ostrá, Simona, I really have to go to that interview now.
Go ahead, I'll lock up.
Nicely cleaned out.
Someone was planning to have fun in here today.
When do you think he'll come?
What do you want from him?
I'm here to do an interview with him.
Here, behind the pool table?
Are you Vostrá?
Yes.
And you are?
Why?
Would you like to do it with me too?
No.
Good, I was getting worried.
So when will Mr. Pacovský actually come?
If I'd known he'd be this late, I could have gone to the opening last night.
Phew, he'll be here soon!
I baked something and I want him to taste it.
Well then.
What is it?
Thuringian pastry.
By Mr. Kitty's recipe.
Would you like some?
So how was school?
Mom, the movie was beautiful.
It was pretty dumb.
No, it was actually interesting.
See, and this morning I had to drag you there by the hand.
There were flowers, little bees, and little rabbits.
And nothing else?
Well, they were saying something else too, but I had my ears plugged just in case.
I see.
Pretty dumb movie.
It's true I wouldn't go a second time.
Right.
When I close my eyes now, I just see stupid bees.
Great.
I still see you.
Oh, there you are.
How did the interview go?
Great.
Vostrá ate something bad and is in the hospital.
I'm answering in writing.
Iva, but my favorite novel?
The Red and the Black.
Yeah?
I don't know which one to pick.
Same.
That was a joke!
I'll put Don Quixote.
Tomáš, it's Saša.
Simona, stop it.
Well, if you want Ivuška to find out something interesting about your fridge, then...
Simona, leave me alone, please?
I'm simply not going to deal with these things for you.
Fine then, I could have saved a kilo.
Oven!
I'm only on page 30.
That's enough.
Just the basics, understand?
But excuse me, you're not Mr. Samsa.
What?
That I'm not?
No, I know Gregor Samsa, but you look like some kind of bug.
Like a bug?
Completely.
Wing covers, antennae and all.
Antennae?
Well yes.
Well then, shall we switch to first names?
Can't you see I'm admiring you?